Remember: as you do... they will too

So I'm learning a lesson from my son as of late... As a parent you have to watch how you handle EVERYTHING because as you do... they will too. If you yell and scream when you're frustrated, so will they. If you punish yourself for simple mistakes, so will they. And, unfortunately, if you are stressed out, they will be too.

This last one has hit me hard as of late and I'm dealing with a parental emotion I'm sure I will feel many times over... guilt.

You see, I'm nearing the end of a particularly hard pregnancy fraught with bleeding, cramping, early labor worries, bedrest, complications from a different surgery and gestational diabetes. I've felt the stress for sure and have been particularly conscious in the last couple months about the horrible stress it has put on my husband. He's had to take on way more than his share of the usual chores that we split and has had to take on more than his share of William duties as well. What we forgot to factor is is that, in the middle of all this, William has become stressed too. Enter MAJOR GUILT.

It finally dawned on me as I read a Baby Center article on toddler stress (for those of you yet to be parents, REGISTER ON THIS SITE AS SOON AS YOU BECOME PREGNANT! It's full of handy articles and advice). I get an email from Baby Center weekly based on the age of my child (and the stage of my pregnancy) and they are often right on track with where William is. Two weeks ago, I got one emailed about "Toddler acting out more than normal due to stress".

Duh! I can't believe I didn't think of it. Here I am thinking William's "terrible twos-threes stage" has just hit a particularly nasty slide and totally forgot that he's living in this house with a mom who's stressed/frustrated that she can't do very much and a stressed/frustrated dad who's doing SO much. He's put up with schedule changes (sometimes home from daycare once a week, sometimes not), bedtime ritual interruptions (either due to visitors or my lack of ability to get up the stairs to his room), different play patterns as we've adjusted to my level of mobility and diet changes as I haven't been able to cook as much as before. This poor kid. All this interruption and now a new sibling will be added in a week or less!

William's care giver has even noticed it. She often contends (much to my pleasure) that despite his need to defy, test, etc., he is still truly one of the best kids she's ever had. He benefits from the fact that she runs her home the way we run ours and her ideas and ours about behavior, manners and discipline are nearly identical. That makes it easier on the kid, I tell you... so if you're becoming a parent, truly look for a caregive you see eye-to-eye with and your child will benefit from the consistency. Anyway, back to her noticing his stress. She said the other day, for the first time ever, William threw a 1/2-hour fit after nap time about needing me. She was so caught off guard (William is usuallly easily distractable and not prone to fits) that she felt she had to mention it. Man, did I feel terrible. It was on a day that he normally gets to stay home ith me, but I was in too much pain to manage him that day.

So I'm going to try. I'm going to try to balance patience with boundaries. I'm going to try to learn to cool off instead of yelling, so that I can teach him that a time-out is truly something we ALL take to sit down and re-think... not just a punishment. I'm going to try to understand that his efforts to prolong bed-time are sometimes more of a reflection of his feeling that he doesn't get much of mommy anymore and not just another place to be defiant. I'm going to try to understand that it's not worth getting frustrated if he only want cucumbers and milk for dinner (the past two nights), as long as he's eating. I'm going to try to understand that a little outing to Starbucks (now his favorite) can make his day after he's had a particularly bad one. I'm going to try to understand that sometimes his "no!" is an effort to exert some control in his currently out-of-control life rather than his just trying to piss mommy off. I'm going to try to stop applying the label "good boy" and "bad boy" and rather make it about "good choice" or "bad choice".

Does that mean the "teaching" of manners will stop? No. Will I stop offering him "choices" to pick a preferred behavior (e.g. take a time out or listen to mommy)? No. I don't want to break his good habits or let them slide. I'm just going to try to remember not to yell when he makes the "bad choice", but rather calmly let him experience the consequences (time outs, no bed-time story, etc). I'm going to try to point out his "good choices" rather than only noticing the bad (Mike is decidedly better at this than I am). And finally, I'm going to try to remember that he's stressed out and a little bewildered by what's going on in the house right now. That he's too young to totally grasp it and to try to look at it through his eyes.

I want a boy who's assertive enough to stand up for himself while aware enough to show good manners and kindness. I want a boy who can spill milk and calmly clean it up as an "accident" and not fear anger or get angry at himself. I want a boy who can learn to calm down and breath, not go red in the face.

In short, I want what all parents want for their kids. I want to be a perfect parent and for him to know how to make his own success. I know I can't be perfect though... but I can try to be good. And I can try to help him through this stressful time, since I certainly can't change the circumstances that have caused the stress.

Heard From The Throne

So my son being potty trained has brought on a whole new joy in life... words heard from the throne. My son is rather chatty, you see, and lately has taken to taking his time on the potty and so Mike and I often tell him to just call us when he's done. Well, while we're waiting for him... we often hear some lovely gems from his perch on the potty. Here are some of our favorites:

"Ummm (sigh) no... I'm just calming down" - his response after I asked him if he was done after a particularly long silence on the pot.

"Can I have a book?" - I died. My son is already taking to potty reading, and he can't read!

"ABCD..." - he decided to sing his ABC's one day on the potty when it was taking a long time to go #2.

"My penis is still peeing"

"You can't come in yet"

"Can you read me a story in here?"

"No mommy, you can't come in... I asked Oom Kyle" - when I attempted to check on him in the potty and his uncle (Oom Kyle) was over.

"The poop's not coming out... I need belly stuff!" - he loves to ask for "belly stuff" which is either children tums or his gummy vitamins or Children's Tylenol.

"I didn't POOP, I just tooted!" -Yelled at me after telling me he was ready for me to come in.

Here, however, is our absolute favorite... which was more of a tirade than a statement. Last night William was having an upset tummy night and made 4, count 'em 4, trips to the potty at bed-time and Mike and I were lying on his bed waiting for him to finish. Mike called "are you done yet!?" from his bedroom and this is what followed:

"Quiet Daddy! I'm not talking to you... I'm talking to mommy!"
(Mike interrupts with, 'well mommy's lying down so I'm getting you')
"Shhhh! Daddy, I'm talking to MOMMY! You can't talk to me and you can't come in. I'm not done yet and I'm talking to mommy and I'm not talking to you.
(Mike interrupts with 'don't you talk to me that way' and then whispers to me trying not to laugh... 'our son just shhhh'd me!')
"Quiet Daddy! I'm not talking to you. I'm not talking to you and I'm talking to mommy and mommy's coming in and you be quiet because I'm talking to mom..."
(Mike and I are now howling with laughter... William can be heard laughing too and continues) "So you can't come in and I'm not done and I'm just sitting here. I'm talking to mommy and I'm not ready and I'm just sitting here".
(I try to calm down and ask, totally choking and laughing... 'are you done yet? can mommy come in?') He replies (singing the last word in a high pitched voice)
"nooooo... I'm still working on my POOOOOPS!".
At this point, Mike and I are laughing so hard we're CRYING, and imitating him singing the word POOOOOPS. We cannot believe this is our kid. I finally manage to calm down enough to ask him if I can come in yet and he says "yes", but when I go in he's STILL not done. So I go and lie down on the couch in the playroom (You can see into the bathroom from there) and wait for him to finish. At last he lets me clean him up and put on his jammies and he looks at me innocently like it's not bedtime and we haven't spent the last 1/2 hour waiting for him to finish so we can continue our bedtime ritual and asks:

"Wanna play?"

Holy crap, who is this child?

Mommy.... you feel better? And other sweet phrases

These past two weeks have been an interesting time as together as a family we've weathered an ear infection for William, my simultaneous sinus infection, a trip to the hospital with possible labor pains, and a very tired, crampy, grumpy me. But in that time, I've had the opportunity to witness some fun, new and CARING phrases from my son. The kind that make you think you might not totally be screwing up this parent thing after all.

Now before you get all congratulatory, let me assure you I still possess your average, if not sassier-than-average (much to my mother's joy) 2 1/2 year old. He has been known to recently utter such winners as:

"get out Daddy, this is my room, NOT your room!"
"No, this is my house!" (response to Mike's response to above phrase, which was, well this may be YOUR room, but it's MY house)
"Mommy, you are NOT my buddy anymore!"

However, he has at least rewarded us with some sweet, caring phrases as well.

Lately, the most popular one has been, "Mommy... you feel better?" Granted, sometimes this is asked because if I say yes he can ask his follow up, "you wanna pick me up?" This is because I've told him that the doctor says I cannot pick him up yet. However, many times this past couple weeks... it has been out of genuine concern. As we suffered together through our sinus/ear infection he often asked me that. After a particularly bad night of cramping, he planted a kiss on my head "to make it all better" and followed up with "mommy... you feel better now?" After a bad morning where I took a LONG nap after breakfast, he wandered in to wake me, gave me a kiss and asked "mommy... you feel better?" Man, break my heart, kid.

Another cute phrase lately? "You okay?" I heard this the other night as he and his daddy wrestled. Daddy did one of his better acting jobs and fell to the ground and remained laying there. At which point, William walks up and pats his daddy asking, "You okay?" Mike and I died. He also asked it of the dog recently when he accidentally stepped on her tail and of me recently after I kind of yelped during a doctor's appointment. (He also inquired of the doctor, "Did you hurt my mommy?"... the doc thought it was hysterical).

One of the best phrases we are enjoying now... particularly because he'll ask it of anyone, even complete strangers, is "How's your day?". I witnessed this the first time when I had to bring him with me during my doctor's appointment to assess my sinus infection. The doc walked in and said hello to us both at which point William answers with, "Hi! How's your day?" The doc, completely amused looks at me and says "did he just ask..." and I nodded. William asks again, head cocked to the side, all attention and waiting as though truly interested. The doc says, "uh great, how's yours?" to which William replies, "Oh, I'm just cool." Holy crap... who is this kid?

A week or so later, he comes with me on my OB visit and we tell him to say "hi Dr. B" and explain to him that Dr. B's face is the first he ever saw. William looks up at him and after saying, "Hi Dr. B!" follows with, "How's your day?" Dr B. finds this very funny and spits out a "great! how's yours?" William seems to consider it a moment before replying "oh, good, good. I'm just playing with a school bus" (the toy he had in his hand).

Now Mike and I are noticing that he loves to ask this question of anyone who comes to the house. His aunts and uncles, our friends, the Starbucks employees, etc. He's just running around asking everyone how their day is. People think he's infinitely polite and Mike and I are just enjoying the looks that phrase generates when it comes from such a little person.

The last caring phrase he's been uttering recently, "let's be friends" or "you wanna be my friend?" Apparently, this is the phrase that follows all apologies and time-outs at day-care or something. Because he often utters it after a time out. He'll come to us, give us a hug, say sorry and then say "okay... let's be friends now". Also, I was watching him play with his Star Wars action figures and after Boba Fett gave a Storm Trooper a spectacularly violent beat-down, William must have decided it was enough. Because then I hear him say, as though he were Boba Fett, "come on Trooper, let's be friends. wanna play with me?" and he has his Storm Trooper answer, "yeah, yeah. it's cool. let's be friends." And finally, last night, as I was lying there in his bed after reading his bedtime story, in too much pain to move... he rolls over and puts his little hand on my face and says, "mommy you want to be my friend?" and when I say yes, he follows with "you okay, you want to just lie down a little while with me?" I tell him that mommy is hurting and I would love to just keep lying down with him. He looks at me for a little bit, pulls my blanket up closer to my face for me and says, "okay, you can sleep with me if you want."

Oh man, does it get any sweeter than that?

He's Potty Trained!...Snatching victory from the jaws of defeat.

Yes kids, my son is potty trained. Let me write that again, I'm so excited. My son is potty trained. Hell, one more time... my son is potty trained.


How did this happen, you ask? Just a couple posts ago I was bemoaning our potty woes and here I am enjoying the victory that we recently snatched from the jaws of defeat. Let me tell you folks, TRAINING PANTS. Yes kids, these are the secret. Don't mess around with those freakin' Pull Ups with their cute commercials and that annoying "I'm a big kid now" song. No... they are too much like diapers. I am talking good, old fashioned, extra padded, cotton training pants. With these cheap little wonders (you can order them in packs of 5 off of Amazon), we had our little potty monster converted into a potty angel in 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS!

Now, before you pat myself or Mike on the back, let me be honest about the fact that our beloved day care provider, Debbey, gets much of the credit. You see, she has 25 years of experience and kids, if you have someone like that at your disposal, LISTEN to what they say.

Not long after my desperate potty post, Deb sat us down for her "potty" talk for inexperienced parents. Keep in mind this wizard of childcare had pre-empted this MONTHS ago by giving us "The Potty Book" to read to William daily. Plus, apparently, we were accidental geniuses by buying the potty so early because she said that played a huge part in ridding him of any potty fears. So anyway, "The Potty Talk". She sat us down and told us to buy 9-10 pairs of training pants (I bought 15 because I'm always over-prepared). She said they had to be just plain cotton, somewhat large (so he could pull them up & down himself) and they would be extra padded in the crotch area. No pull-ups, nothing resembling a diaper or anything disposable. Then she said put them on him in the morning and don't put any pants on him so that he wouldn't have to mess with pants in a hurry. Upon giving him any liquid or solid, we were to try putting him on the toilet about 15 minutes later to let him "try". If he didn't go, we would need to try again in another 5-10 minutes. We were also to pat the front of them during the longer periods between potties and meals and say, "yay! you're dry!", not freak out about any accidents (merely note the time and put him on earlier) and praise every successful potty attempt.

Two weeks ago we started. We dropped him at Deb's in the morning wearing his new "undies" (took his pants off) and gave her 6 clean pairs for him to go through that day. When we picked him up he'd had 4 accidents at Deb's and 3 successful potties. That night at home with us, we had 1 more accident and one more successful potty. Day 2 there were only 3 accidents, Day 4 there were only 2 and after that, just one a day. By day 7, there were zero accidents. The whole second week of the training was at home because he was sick and couldn't go to Deb's. The second week not only did he have zero accidents, but we graduated to not having to ask him or place him on the potty. He merely told us when he was ready and pooped and peed with glee. He even had completely dry diapers each morning when he woke (Deb said do the nighttime last).

So tonight begins the end of it... he's wearing undies in bed to see how he manages tonight. Since his diaper has been dry each morning for a week, I'm feeling rather confident. And proud. Boy am I proud. Deb said it would fly once we bought the training pants and I doubted. I shall never doubt again. Now I have a potty trained boy before my daughter has arrived (Deb's personal goal for us). Mike and I are in shock. We sat there looking at each other two nights ago as we realized he had total control over his potty behavior and laughed. We kept asking each other "is this it? really? he's done!?"

So yes, boys and girls. Potty training happens. Potty training can be good. Now we're just bracing ourselves for the highly possible "regression" that can happen when the next one is born or the "defiant" phase Deb warned about where they decide that they CAN control it, they just don't want to.

Either way... for now, let us enjoy our victory. :)

Everything I learned, I learned from my 2 1/2 year old

Having a child can make give you a new outlook on life. These past 2 1/2 years I've realized that having a young child makes you appreciate what you now take for granted... like how many ladybugs you can see if you just walk around the block, how exciting a fire engine can be, how victorious one can feel when you're tall enough to use a light switch, and how interesting one's first taste of a cheese other than cheddar can be. To date, here are some of my favorite, most valuable and most humorous lessons:

1. In the case of Time Outs, 'tis better to give than to receive (yes, I've been given a time out).
2. You can say a million things while watching a sporting event and the ones your child will grab on to and repeat will be things like "Jesus Christ!" and "Holy Crap" (note to self: stop swearing or watching sports).
3. You are never too full for chocolate milk and whipped cream.
4. Just when you think your child won't pee or poop on you, they will... and laugh about it.
5. Feeding a dog is infinitely more fun than eating the food yourself.
6. Any movie a 2 1/2 year old wants to see is "really cool"
7. A park is not a necessary destination for a walk if there are bulldozers to climb on the way!
8. Potties are exciting until you HAVE to learn to use them.
9. Anything tastes better when eaten off of Mommy's plate or drunk from Mommy's cup.
10. A favorite food one day can turn to a hated item the very next day.
11. Sharing is not a necessity in life.
12. Why wear clothes when a perfectly good Batman costume is available?
13. When your child is in said Batman costume, it is not wise to address him by his given name unless you would like to be corrected (as in, " No mom! I'm Batman!")
14. It is better to supervise than to perform (e.g. when I asked William to clean up his Legos he replied, "no, I'll watch you do it.")
15. No toys at the table is an important rule, if you want your child to eat. However, putting a toy out of reach and assuring your child the toy will "watch" him eat can suddenly improve his appetite immensely.
16. "Fine I'm leaving without you," is a very motivational phrase... and one your child will turn around and use right back on you as soon as they've mastered it.
17. The best way to teach your child a rule is to let them administer the rule themselves: case in point, we use the phrase "no we're eating as a family" whenever William asks to be excused mid-dinner, but he loves for us to ask to be excused so he can repeat the rule back to us.
18. Crying is temporary... if you can live through it, you can teach a young child to sit through an entire dinner, sleep by his/herself, play quietly in a restaurant, use good manners and follow household rules.
19. Children are VERY honest... they have no qualms about rating your cooking loudly and immediately. Unfortunately, they will also do the same to other's cooking as well, so make sure friends and family are not easily insulted!
20. There is no such thing as reading one book too many times, viewing one movie too many times or doing something funny too many times. Be prepared to know the phrase "again."
21. Children can spot the TINIEST spec of something they don't like in their food (e.g. finely dicing a red bell pepper and combining it with chicken, cheese and salsa in a quesadilla is fruitless as the child WILL spot the bell pepper).
22. "But you're my buddy" is a phrase that should stop all unwanted tickling, wrestling and discipline, or so my son thinks!
23. Don't get too excited when your infant starts sleeping through the night... that ability will wax and wane over the next few years due to growth spurts, teeth, new fears, illness, etc.
24. Friends are great until they want to play with your toys.
25. It's funny to splash or squirt mommy with a bath toy while taking a bath, especially if she wears glasses.
26. You cannot make a child into a morning or night person... they will make that determination on their own.
27. The best way to teach a child good manners is to model them yourself.
28. At least once, you will laugh at inappropriate behavior despite your best efforts not to.
29. Keep a baby monitor in a kids room long after infancy... you will hear some great things as they fall asleep or wake up. (e.g. heard blaring from our monitor as he woke from a nap, "HEELLOOOOOO! Will somebody come get me!")
30. Just when you think you can't love your child any more than you already do, your heart will grow.

Of Potty Training (God help us all)

So we've started the potty training adventure and I gotta say (in the immortal words of many a Star Wars character)... I've got a bad feeling about this.

For those of you who don't know, William has had poop issues from day one (sorry to be blunt, but as a parent you get used to talking bodily functions). So now we get to add that to his unwillingness to use the potty. Every once in a GREAT while, he's cool about using it. And apparently, my son is a sucker for peer pressure, because he offers no such protest at day care. Agh! I hear from Deb (his sitter) about how he calmly walks into the bathroom and does his thing and I feel like the most inadequate mother ever. I think he has calmly accepted the potty, like 3 times at home max. Otherwise, from the screaming and protesting that ensues, one would think that Mike and I have installed a medieval torture device in our bathroom.

When we first bought the potty, many moons ago just to get him used to it, he liked it. He would sit on it and celebrate the fact that it plays music each time he manages to make a deposit into the bowl. I should have tried training him then, because now, it's a nightmare. I swear the child would prefer a time-out to the damned toilet. The fact that we're doing this while I'm at the end of my pregnancy, in mucho pain and on bedrest, is not helping. But it would be torture either way.

The thing is, once he does the deed, he's thrilled. The toilet plays its little royal trumpet music (it's shaped like a throne, get it? someone had a sense of humor!), he gets to flush it all down the big toilet, wash his hands in the big sink and announce loudly that he's peed or pooped. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to remember the thrill of victory the next time he tries. Again, he's already had major poop issues and gets TERRIFIED about going, so whenever we mention the toilet he assumes it's about poop and the wailing begins.

The sitter, Deb, keeps assuring us this will go quickly because he holds it so well, is great about it at her place and is old enough to want to please. Apparently she gets good William while we get Satan, so I will just pray she is right. Is this one of those things where kids are just awesome with the sitter and terrible s@#!s to their parents? Hmmm... I don't know, but I'm telling ya... I've got a bad feeling about this.

When Sleep Isn't Sleep

Those of you who are parents know that sometimes you sleep with your kid because they want to, other times because YOU do. You see, William sleeps by himself quite well... has since he was 7 weeks old. So we've never had the major struggles or worries about letting him sleep with one of us (or having us sleep with him) every once in a great while.

The thing any parent can tell you is that when you sleep with your child... you don't sleep. There are a number of reasons:

1) They're sick. Especially when they are infants and you're as paranoid a mom as I am... you won't sleep. You'll spend the night repositioning them so they can breath, not vomit, not cough, etc. You'll spend the night feeling their forehead, adding or removing blankets and/or clothing, wiping noses with tissue, heads with washcloths or (in the worst-case scenario) having to strip and re-make the bed. But you'll do it with little/no anger, just a resigned sense of love and duty as you suddenly remember your parents did this for you and you suddenly realize there is no way to thank them for all their sacrifices and sleepless nights.

2) They're "movers". William is a mover (as i believe his sister will be if her in-utero actions are any indication). This is karma kids. I was a mover, you see. Mom and sis both did not want to share a bed with me for fear of looking like they came out of the wrong side of a heavy-weight title match in the morning. I kicked, flailed, rolled, punched, smacked and wriggled. I can remember waking up as a child with my head at the foot of my bed and my feet on my pillows by morning. Well... William is the same. Sometimes I'm so tired, it pisses me off... but mostly I laugh. I laugh because I now know what I did to my mom. I remember the first time I slept with William when he was too old to be held while we slept and he rolled over and socked me right in the eye. I laughed so hard I nearly woke him up. I had to call mom the next morning and tell her that karma had struck back in her honor. I've also woken up with his feet in my face, his butt in my back, his palm slapping my forehead, his finger in my nose... you get the picture.

3) This best reason for no sleep... because you can't stop watching them. Last night as a "treat" William and I slept in the bed in the office because for some strange reason, he LOVES to sleep in the office. That and due to some pre-term labor issues, I'm limiting trips upstairs. So after he falls asleep, I get up to do some emailing and eating and when I return to bed, I find I can't sleep. I'm just staring at this little wonder who is hugging my body pillow like he's the pregnant one and marvelling that he came from me. In his sleep he grabs my hand and holds it and I'm just gone. I'm so in love with motherhood I can't take it. I must have watched him for over an hour before falling asleep. In that hour he moves all over the place, checks for me, snores and stops, pulls a blanket onto himself and then onto me, shoves the blanket off both of us and then finally rolls far onto the other pillow. I watch it all just amazed at this life and wishing it would all slow down.

He's already 2 1/2 with a sister on the way and it feels like he was just born sometimes. I call him a baby and realize he isn't. It's so wild and wonderful and crazy and beautiful. Now I know my my mom says she wouldn't trade motherhood for anything.

What did you just say?

So from my previous blog you know that my son is now full of fun little sayings that he picks up, hears, makes up, etc. He's had a few more choice ones since the last blog and I really look forward, every day now, to hearing what my 2 1/2 year old might come up with.

The first is not so much a quote as an entire conversation we had:
Mommy - "Did you know you have a baby sister in my belly?
William - "Take her out, I want to see her!"
Mommy - "We can't take her out, she has to get bigger first"
William - "Why?" (he asks this A LOT now)
Mommy - "Because she's not ready until she's bigger"
William - "Why?"
Mommy - "Because if we take her out now, she'll get sick"
William - "What she doing in there? Sleeping?"
Mommy - "Yeah, she sleeps, she moves around, she's learning how to be a baby and how to get bigger"
William - "Does she have a book in there?"
Mommy - (laughing) "uh no, there's no room for a book in there, but she can hear us, so she hears all the stories I read to you. She can hear us talking and singing and everything. If you talk to her, she'll hear you."
William - (leaning close to my belly) "hi baby."

The following are the best quotes since my last post:

"I want my Batsuit" - said every day while we visted my folks for Thanksgiving in Southern California. He wore it at least once EVERY DAY.

"Two hands mommy!" - scolding me to use two hands to hold my glass of chocolate milk as I had just instructed him to do the same about 2 minutes earlier.

"Oh man, basketball all day!? I'm not taking a nap!" - said at my parents house upon hearing a television ad about basketball all day.

"Thank you for coming!" - said to my twin's father-in-law as we were all saying goodbye at Thanksgiving.

"Wanna watch this movie, mommy... it's really cool!" - said about any movie he's trying to talk me into letting him watch.

"I have boogers!" - said at full volume... in Target. Yay.

"I BatWill!" - William correcting me when I called him William one morning and he was already wearing his Batsuit.

"I not BatWill, I'm Batman!" - said just 5 minutes later when I called him BatWill as previously instructed.

"I Santa Will" - said as he put a Santa hat on his head while we were decorating for Christmas.

"I stinky?" - asked any time I tell him it's time to change his diaper.

"I not babe, I WILLIAM!" - said one night at the dinner table as I said "here's your dinner babe" while setting down his plate.

"you all done?" - asked of everyone sitting at the table during a meal because we have instructed him that he is to sit at the table until everyone is done eating so we can learn to "eat as a family".

"HELLLLOOOOOO.... OPEN THE DOOR!" - we hear this shout via the baby monitor often when he wakes in the morning on weekends or from a nap.

"Noooo... I not really tired" - said anytime bed or naptime is mentioned.

"Noooo... I not really hungry" - said before or even while eating a meal because he'd rather be playing.

"No, no thank you. I don't want a time-out" - said recently in response to my telling him to take a time-out for hitting me.

It just gets better and better folks. I can't believe what an insane adventure parenthood is turning out to be. I want to walk around with a video or audio recorder at all times because there are too many looks and sayings that you just want back the moment they are gone.

Happy Holidays!

From the Mouths of Babes...

So I'm discovering William is now full of little sayings that he picks up either from us or from his sitter or movies and these little pearls are ones that I just don't want to forget. Coming from a full-fledged adult they might seem innocuous enough, but from a little 2 year old... precious. Below are some of the best things I've heard from him as of late:

"Let's go help the people mommy!" - said as we passed a horrific accident and I explained the ambulance helped people with "owies".

"Don't eat the cheese off, eat it as a sandwich!" - said as he handed me the "sandwich" that he cooked for me in his play kitchen... apparently this instruction is one he often hears in daycare.

"I smell Daddy. Daddy stinky... he tooted." - said in response to my question, "did you know Daddy slept with you last night?"

"I smell mommy, mommy stinky" - said last night as I lay down next to him to hear a bedtime story.

"I need my belly stuff!" - said constantly because he loves the taste of children's Tums.

"No, mommy... don't go downstairs do stuff. Stay longer" - said when I try to leave his room and wish him goodnight.

"Hurry mommy! Drive fast! Go! Faster! Open the garage, fast!" - said last night as we spotted a stray (and not healthy looking) dog walking down the street.

"I need Batman ungella (umbrella)" - said whether or not it's raining.

"Mommy... come upstairs!" - said when it's bedtime and it's Daddy's turn to read to him, he's going through mommy attachment right now.

"Good morning mommy! I sleep well!" - said to me pretty much every morning now.

"It not working!" - said as he attempted to use a napkin to scrub a freckle from my arm.

"Hey moon! Hey moon! Wat you doing up there?" - said to the moon that he spotted as we were leaving daycare just the other day.

"I peeped!" - said when he peed in the big potty recently.

These are the sayings I want to remember. I figure I'd better start a list as other mommies have told me that the sayings will just get better over the next year or so. God I love motherhood!

He loves me, he loves me not

Toddlers are fickle little beings let me tell you. They change their minds more than women are rumored to. It can drive a mom crazy. William is lately into negatives (as in "go away mommy" "don't touch me" "leave me alone" "let me go" "i don't like that", etc). The thing is, he changes his mind in a second.

Take this week:
1) Dinner - I make some beef and rice which he pushes away with a "i don't like it" and then proceeds to EAT the beef. Now keep in mind, he doesn't say "i don't like it" just once... he says it every few bites.

2) Music- My little music afficianado is developing definite tastes in music. And for 3 days straight he loved and bopped his head to that old (80's? 70's) song "You Dropped The Bomb On Me" and then on day 4 I hear a voice from the back seat yell "I DON'T LIKE THAT SONG MOMMY, TURN IT! PLAY MY SONG!" (Starry-Eyed Surprise in case you're curious). Ummm... hello, I thought he liked the song.

3) Getting ready to go in the morning - Trying to put his clothes and diaper on in the morning is like trying to wrestle an octopus. Suddenly he has more limbs than he should and they're all pushing at me. I'm greeted with "NO! Let me go! Go away mommy" and so forth. So I start to go away and am followed by the panicked scream, "NO, I COMING TOO!". Dude, make up your mind already.

There was one moment this week, however, that I loved his mind change. It was one of those first he insults me then he loves me moments that I'll never forget. I felt HORRIBLE on Monday night and desperately needed to just lay down when I got home from work. He was bugging me to play with him although Mike was telling him "no, mommy is sick, she needs to lay down". William continued to yank at my arm and say "play with me, mommy, come on!" Then as Mike put a blanket over me, William had a change of heart. All of a sudden my little boy takes the blanket, pulls it up to my chin, "tucks" me in, kisses my head and says "get comfy mommy" and walks away to find his dad. Just killed me. How cute was that?

Kiss It and Make It Better

So I have the sweetest little son ever, let me tell you. Seriously, I don't know how this little gentleman is in any way a blood relation of mine or my husbands as I don't know that I've ever heard either of us described as a sweet child.

You know how you tell a child you'll "kiss it and make it better?" Well, what's really even cuter than when they ask you to do this, is when they make the offer in return. I've been sick this week and being sick on top of pregnant again has not been a blast. Each day I've been asking my son if he'd kiss mommy's head to make it better (major sinus infection) and he so sweetly complies. Well, today I forgot to ask and dropped him off at daycare in a rush to get back home to sleep off this virus. Our routine is that he gives me a hug and a kiss, a "shove" out the door and then waves to me from the window. Today, as I'm walking back to my car I hear a shout from the babysitter's still open doorway as William is still standing in it while two other boys arrive.

I hear this, "mommy! come back! another kiss?" I can't resist his little face and go trudging back up the driveway and as I crouch down, he hugs me and says "i kiss it to make it better" and gives my head a kiss. Jesus! What this child does to me. He has no idea that just watching him sleep can reduce me to tears and this little act of love just sent me over. I drove home teary eyed and yes, feeling just a little bit better from the kiss.

When Not To Laugh

Here's the thing about parenthood... there are times to laugh and times when it's better not too. Unfortunately, God has made children little comedians and it's incredibly hard not to laugh, even when you know that if you do, you'll only encourage an unwanted behavior.

Some fun examples from recent William history:

1) I took him out to lunch and while he's terrific out at restaurants, if he finishes eating way before you, it is best to have a toy on hand so that he doesn't become difficult. This day, I had not prepared for some reason. So upon announcing, "momma I all done! Please may I have get down?" (this is how he says may I please get down) I said, "no, you will wait until mom is finished." He then decided that it might be fun to try pouring his left over milk into my milk cup. Sensing danger (or at least a table full of milk), I said, "William, put your glass down and give mommy back her cup!" To which he replied, "ummmm... no thanks." It was the thanks that killed me. Here's my son, misbehaving, yet deciding to have manners while he does it! This is a new trend actually. I tell him to take a nap, stop hitting the dog, sit still in his seat, finish his food, take a timeout, etc and the most common response is "ummmm...no thanks." Like I'm offering him tea or something! I usually have to turn away and fake some kind of cough/hiccup/choking combination because his sincerity and politeness are just too funny for words. What freakin' kid says "no thanks" when their parent scolds them?

2) Okay, swearing is NOT funny, seriously... but sometimes words that are just horrid coming out of an adults mouth are just too incongruous from a toddler's to be anything but funny. Particularly, when you have no idea you've sworn until the little parrot at your side reminds you. Two weeks ago I was cleaning up William's play room, muttering to myself under my breath, exhausted from being pregnant and I said (and I swear it was under my breath), "this house is a f@!#ing mess". I hear the quietest little voice (as he's immitating my tone as well), say "yeah... house f@!#ing mess". Aaaaggggh! I panicked and then ran to the bathroom to keep from laughing. Thank god my "don't make a big deal of it" approach worked... he's never said it again. Whew! Crisis avoided.

3) My son is terrific at using utensils. Seriously. If you put chicken, rice and peas in a bowl and he only wants peas... he can fish them out. However, he often just does not want to use them, so he feigns incompetence. On night, Mike and I had made breakfast for dinner (it sounded good to my pregnant belly) and William wanted desperately to eat his scrambled eggs and strawberries with his hands. It seems like every second bite Mike and I were saying, "use your fork!". So at one point, I look over just in time to see him pick up his fork, pick up some egg with his hand and carefully work the egg onto the tines of the fork and then it eat it off the fork. He then caught me looking at him and the raised eyebrow/smirky/self-satisfied look he gave me which seemed to say ("what? i used the fork, right?") was so damn funny that Mike and I caught each others eye and broke into a cacophony of fake coughing and spluttering. It totally did not work... he knew we were laughing, laughed with us and then did it again. I pick my battles with him and for this one, I surrendered. It just wasn't worth it that night.

Can I have a translator over here?

Here's the thing about 2 year olds... they don't speak clearly yet. Not all their words are intelligible, even to me, the mommy, who spends the most time with mine. Yet, I've discovered that as the parent, I'm a major disappointment to strangers when I don't prove an adequate translator. I'm thinking these strangers do NOT have children. Otherwise, one would hope they would remember those helpless days of looking at their child who's mumbling something close to "mwahmbrackle" and saying "I'm so sorry sweety, I STILL have no idea what you're saying!"

Now don't get me wrong, some words and phrases like "go away mommy, YES!, sit down sasha, no thanks, go outside and mommy coming too?" are as clear as a bell. But most of William's phrases come out as if he were speaking with an accent of someone whom perhaps cannot decide if he's from New Hampshire or Louisiana and thus combines them both.

Just today I took my son out to breakfast at Starbucks before he headed to daycare and I to my job and he was mumbling something in William-ese. This woman who was commenting on how darling he was, leaned toward him and said "what?" and then turns to me and says, "what did he say?" Upon declaring that I wasn't sure she looked at me as though I had admitted to taking drugs throughout my pregnancy, beating my son regularly and feeding him nothing but straight sugar each and every day. I just wanted to yell, "back off bitch! I've been trying to figure out that damn phrase that he's been repeating for about a week now but unfortunately 'mommy, ah druhn mek wel so' still does NOT resemble a phrase in the English language to me! YOU freakin' translate it!"

There is a cool part to all this frustration, though... when you figure out the phrase, you feel like freakin' Einstein. Here are some of my favorite phrases/mispronunciations currently translated from William-ese.

mulltuck = mailtruck
molca= motorcycle
fiyawoowoo = fire truck (don't ask)
meek = mixer (as in cement mixer, a favorite among trucks)
ismoke = iced mocha (or in his case, the organic milk sold at Starbucks)
bannie = banana
mall = melon
wait ta me! = wait for me
opeen tadoa = open the door
logga = yogurt
bah feet = bare feet
read de foxego = read the fables (I think he thinks all fables involve a fox)
duhbage tuck = garbage truck
sleep mommy = sleep with mommy
sleep dekib = sleep in the crib

So for all of you who run into parents and say "what's he saying?" keep in mind that God, in his infinite wisdom and ironic sense of humor will ensure that you too struggle with this one day. And for those of you new parents... good luck translating. If all else fails, look at the person who asked and said, "i don't know, but i think he's trying to say 'i kill you'... do you think I should worry?" They'll run in the other direction. :)

What the...?

So what is it with two year olds and straws? Can some experienced parent help me out with this one?

William has been drinking through a straw from a very young age because we skipped from bottles straight to regular cups and cups with straws so that we wouldn't have to mess with sippy cups. He's been doing great... FOREVER. Now, however, apparently straws are not for drinking. They are for either ripping out of juice/milk boxes (and dripping said drink everywhere), flipping out of aforementioned boxes in order to flick milk/juice on mommy or pushing all the way into the juice/milk box and thus rendering it useless (prompting the now overused phrase "mommy, ah need yo help!"). What the hell dude? The straw concept used to be simple. Insert straw... suck on straw. Now, however, it's a toy. A toy. A weapon. A drumstick. A whistle. Anything but a straw.

Oh and when did my sweet boy become such an opinionated, stubborn little poop? Last night Mike says "bath time" and William buries himelf beneath a blanket and out comes a muffled "no thanks!". LIKE WE WERE GIVING HIM AN OPTION! Uh no thanks? Kid... I still outweigh you by a good 100 lbs... I think I'm winning this one.

And everything is now, "MOOOOOVE MOMMY, I DO MYSELF!" We took him to see the local minor league baseball game the other night and apparently I was walking too closely behind him while he was walking down some stairs and mistaking my proximity for an attempt to help him, he shouts "No! Move, mommy! I walk myself!". I'm like "yeah I can SEE that William, I'm just walking too. Can I walk behind you?" He paused and just said, "no. move!" Now again, I'm winning this one kids... I still outweigh him and I'm STILL THE MOM! I mean, who does this little creature think he is? Insert time worn phrase - "I brought you into this world... I can take you out!" (Thank you, Bill Cosby).

The hard part is, most of the time... it makes me laugh. And I can't do that either because I need him to take my discipline seriously or I don't want him to thinking I'm laughing AT him. But it's funny. The earnest little face, the drawn eyebrows, the hand shooing me away. It's freakin' hilarious. And the drawn out "MOOOOOOOOVE!" just gets me. I think toddlers might just be the best comedic entertainment there is.

Time, Time Time

So you'll notice it's been a year since my last blog, OVER a year actually. Where the hell does the time go? I'll tell you... children are TIME SUCKERS. They suck time in amazing quantities and even more so if you're a working parent, which I am. You see, I want to spend all my non-working time (or have to just to get him fed, bathed & in bed) with him... so I do not want to get on my computer EVER anymore. But as I'm pregnant again, and starting a new blog for that, I thought I'd get this one moving again too.

William is now 2. TWO!!! He's a walking, talking, hitting, biting, testing, laughing, counting, singing toddler. The singing is hysterical. He sings his ABC's and then the last part comes out "Now My Know My ABC's...nes, murmer, murmer, murmer wiff meeeeee!". He also sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star which comes out more "teen teen, teen teen wittel stars... how i, how i, murmer are! up aboff murmer high... like a dymon murmer skies". I just die laughing. The murmering when he doesn't know the words is killer.

I don't think children have any idea the amount of amusement they provide. Who needs TV when your toddler can sing "Teen, teen, teen, teen, wittel stars" at the top of his lungs OR go through the entire process of "putting you to bed" (this includes tucking mommy in, reading her a fable, turning off the light, turning on lullabyes and shutting the door) over and over and OVER. Toddlers are MASTERS of repitition. I think William's favorite word is "again?" Like when you swing him around even though you're too tired too and he laughs and says "again?" Or when you read a horribly cheesy kids book like Blues Clues: Blues Birthday party and he says "again" (5 times!). Or when you "bonk" yourself on the head with something and he laughs and says "again!" Yes, toddlers love the "again" request. Just make sure that whatever you've done to entertain them, you're willing to do AGAIN. And again and again and again... you get the picture.

Until I post AGAIN...

Dropping and Other Fun Games

You know that fun game where your toddler keeps dropping/throwing stuff off of his/her high chair to make mommy or daddy get it. Over and over and over again? Yeah, well, we're playing it. I asked a mom at daycare how you know when dropping things goes from cause & effect discovery to "hey, how many times will mommy pick this up?" and she said, "oh, you'll know."

I do. Because now my son gets this look on his face and WAITS for me to be watching him before dropping items off the chair. He gets a sort of half-smile, eyebrows raised, mischevious "are you watching?" expression and then holds the item in question over the floor as if to say "should I drop it? should I drop it?" If it's food sometimes my uh-uh, no-no! works and he puts it in his mouth or on his tray. Toys just go straigt over so he can hear the clatter of them hitting the ground.

This "is-she-seeing-me-misbehave-can-I-make-her-say-no" game has now extended to slapping the TV screen, taking all the CD's out of the CD tower, throwing his cup, etc. I tried a little reverse psychology this weekend and pretended not to see him touching the TV screen and it worked. He slapped it once and searched around for something else to grab my attention. Unfortunately this same tactic failed in the feeding chair this evening as, even though he did not get a reaction out of me... he enjoyed watching the dogs scramble and enjoyed the splat of the food too much. Oh well... win some, lose some, right?

He has graduated to some very fun games (fun for BOTH of us, I mean) too and it's just a ball. He is playing what my mom named the "goodbye game" where he crawls into the bathroom and shuts the door as we say "bye bye!" Then he opens the door so we can all shout "hello!" He even enjoys variations where we hide from him while the door is shut so that when he opens the door and sees no one, he crawls out excitedly (you can HEAR him breathing excitedly) so you can jump out and say "boo!" The other variation he opens the door JUUUUUST a crack so you can peek at him and say "peek-aboo." He can play this game for nearly an hour. I'm serious.

He seems to love games that involve suspsense. He likes us to duck down while he's on the changing table and then pop up and scare him. He also likes it when I sing-song what I'm doing in a VERY QUIET voice and then all of a sudden shout "blughaghagh" in the middle of the song. I love just thinking of new ways to surprise him.

Of course... he seems to enjoy thinking up new games to test me. Ah the joys of motherhood.

How early is too early?

So as I was typing the title to this post... I realized it could apply to two things experienced just in the last 24 hours of William's life.

#1... How early is too early to get up? Easy answer = anytime before 5:30 a.m. If he gets up then, I'm not too bummed, because hell, it's only 1/2 hour earlier than the time I intend (note I say intend, not succeed) to get up. This past night/morning, however, Mr. William decided 3:30 a.m. might make a good time. He awoke SCREAMING like fire ants had snuck into his crib or something. Now, when he cries in the middle of the night, he usually soothes himself back to sleep in about 2-10 minutes. But this was SCREAMING. So I go charging into the nursery, convinced I have earache #3 on my hands. Fever? Nope. Vomiting? Nope. Tummy issues? Nope. Okay... teeth? He does calm down briefly as he munches hard on some pacifiers we stuck in the freezer for teething issues. But that only helps for a bit. He then proceeds to drink 7.5 oz of milk and JUST when I think he's falling asleep he starts going "ba!" all wide-eyed and cute. This is NOT the time to play, I'm thinking. Somewhere around 5:00 a.m. he falls asleep and I sleep fitfully next to him on our futon because he keeps smacking me or kicking me. Needless to say, caffeine was a necessity today.

#2... how early is too early for bulemia? Okay, I'm kidding here... but my son has started this charming new habit that made me think of this today. While he's struggling to poop (right on schedule after dinner), which in and of itself can make him throw up... he has started to put two fingers in his mouth and blow on them like he's trying to whistle. Tonight, while he did that he no longer looked like he was trying to whistle, but more like he was shoving his fingers down his throat and I thought "Fabulous, I have an 11-month-old bulemic." Perhaps I should stop referring to him as "chubbers"... maybe he's getting a complex.

You know what... i just thought of a #3. How early is too early to go to bed? Because as a mommy I'm finding that sometimes I want MY bedtime to be 9:00. Man, you just don't appreciate bed times when you have them.

Suffocation and other neurotic mother worries

I was thinking that it was lack of sleep that makes you crazy as a mother... but now I think it's the worry. I keep thinking, when will I stop worrying about him suffocating. If I put him down with a blanket or anything remotely soft, I find myself sneaking into his room a million times to make sure he's breathing. I know it's neurotic, but I can't stop myself. And then I thought to myself today... "it won't matter if I stop worrying about the breathing, because then I'll worry about something else."

These are the crazy worries that go through my head (don't laugh, you too will worry about nutty things as a mother) -
1. one of the kids at daycare will feed him something too large while Debbey is changing another kid and he'll choke to death
2. He'll suffocate on a blanket, toy, sheet, hood, sweatshirt, couch cushion, etc.
3. he'll be bullied in school
4. he'll be the bully
5. he'll choke and i won't know know how to dislodge it
6. he'll eat something and have an allergic reaction that i can't react to quickly enough
7. someday he'll play with friends near/in water and they'll drown him

It's terrible, but this kind of crap springs into my mind all the time. I swear.. I'm crazy. And someday, as he gets older I'll worry about no girlfriend or too may girlfriends. I'll worry about him being good at sports or math or music or writing. I'll worry about him meeting the wrong girl and then that he'll meet the right girl. I'll worry that he' not smart enough... or too smart. I'll worry that he's not happy, that he doesn't confide in me, that I'm not providing the best life for him.

Now my mother's constant worry makes sense. She always seemed to worry about how she treated us or how we felt about her, life, school, etc. As a kid with no worries, I thought she was nuts.

Now I know.

She's a mom.

Of New Teeth and Ear Infections

As the title of my blog would indicate... these little suckers need to come with instruction manuals.

William got his first ear infection a few weeks ago and 2 days after it cleared up... his 2nd one arrived. He's now on his 2nd string of antibiotics and I'm hoping his last for a while. It's been a roller coaster of sleep and tummy problems. Thank god they make the medication taste so good that he'll eat it. I think he thinks it's yogurt or something.

I had no idea he had an ear infection because I have an incredibly happy baby. I kept hearing that kids would scream and grab their ears and refuse to nurse. My ONLY tip that something was wrong was a terrible night where he screamed all night and we thus got only 2 hours of sleep. I finally figured out that he was screaming from a fever (102 degrees) and got him to to the doc. The doc looked in his ears and prounounced that he had rather advanced infections in both ears and "wasn't he acting sick?" At this point, William was sitting on the exam table smiling, laughing and slapping his knees... so I pointed to him and said, "nope... he acts like this. He didn't pull at his ears or anything!"

Of course, just then, William pulled at an ear and the doc said, "what, like that?" Great. Mother of the year here. So we had 7 days of antibiotics and THANK GOD my mother was here for a visit to help me out with most of it. Because after the 7th day, we had two great days and then ANOTHER grumpy night (not as bad as the first). I get a call from my mother and she says that he's cool, but his head is warm and when she takes his temp it's over 101. So back to the doc we go (here's the thing, I had just gotten a call the night before after his well check telling me his tests came out great and he's one HEALTHY kid). The doc looks surprised to see us again since he just saw us yesterday, but then takes a look and says the infections are back. So now were in round two of antibiotics, this time for 10 days. Ugh.

Here's the total kicker though. If you read a baby book or ask a doctor, they will tell you that colds, fevers, ear infections, etc... are NOT caused by teething. Mothers and nurses, however, will tell you differently, and I'm joining the ranks of those moms now. You see... William is getting at least 2 teeth right now (just discovered this). They're his "eye teeth" which I hear from experienced moms are the worst. Well, so far they suck. My mother in law said my sis in law got an ear infection with each new tooth. If that happens with William, I'll be in the funny farm, so look for me there.

I just have to say thank god for experienced moms. I'm surrounded by them at work and they're getting me through all this teeth and ear crap. And they were an invaluable resource for the past few months of questions about diapers, baby tylenol, sleep training, self-feeding, etc.

Can't wait to see what's around the next corner.

The Road to H...

You know what they say about good intentions (you know... the road to hell is paved with them). Anyway, I had intentions of blogging about mommyhood from day one, but that shows you what an inexperienced mommy I am. Those first couple months I was lucky to have time to shower and eat, much less think about things like blogging.

So what have I learned? It's okay not to have time to do my hair. It's okay if the toilets don't always get cleaned once a week or if I go 3 weeks in between mopping. It's okay to go to the store in sweats with no make up and it's okay if I don't manage to cook homemade meals at least 5 days a week. Because what I won't get back is that extra hour I spent playing on the floor with my boy William. Or that hour we spent sleeping together on the couch. I won't get back that day I never showered because I was so enchanted about him laughing for the first time that I spent all his waking moments trying to make him laugh.

What amazes me is how much I've forgotten already. I thought my first entry could be a catching up on these past 9 months because there's no way I could forget. But you do. I forget exactly what those 13 hours of labor pains felt like before they finally told me I was having a C-section because he wouldn't descend and his heart rate was slowing. I forget the utter delirious exhaustion of those difficult first nights in the hospital that my mom spent with me where, determined that I would succeed at breastfeeding, I struggled until I was sweating to get William latched on. I've forgotten being a zombie those first two weeks with my mom staying with us, Mike staying home from work and my sister over as much as possible to try to help me somehow get rest in an endless cycle of nurse-pump-eat-wash pumping stuff-sleep if possible and start over. I've forgotten the emotional roller coaster of returning to work and taking him to daycare that first day. I've forgotten packing a "lunch box" full of food for the nursery each night so that I could sustain my energy while nursing William every 2-3 hours. I've forgotten the hand-off with my husband as he took the last late-night feeding and anything else that happened prior to 2 a.m. while I took anything that happened after 2 until we both got up at 6:00am to start all over. I've forgotten the elation of realizing my son slept through the night for the first time on Halloween.

Mike, William and I have now settled into a pattern... or as much of one as you can have with an infant. Teething, fevers, developmental milestones, etc... can interfere with it, but we still have a pattern. Mike gets him up & dressed in the morning while I feed him and pump. I feed William at lunch. When we get home we share the duties of getting William and the dogs fed sometime between 6:00 and 6:30 while getting our own dinner going as well. Then we juggle cleaning up, William's bath around 8:00 and getting him to bed by around 9:00. He'll usually sleep until 6:00 or 7:00 and then we begin again.

It's a good life. An awesome one actually. I thought that tonight as I watched my husband sitting on the floor making his son laugh. I have two beautiful gifts looking me in the face every day... the love of my life and the miracle he helped me create. On second thought this is not the road to hell... but heaven. :)