Can I have a translator over here?

Here's the thing about 2 year olds... they don't speak clearly yet. Not all their words are intelligible, even to me, the mommy, who spends the most time with mine. Yet, I've discovered that as the parent, I'm a major disappointment to strangers when I don't prove an adequate translator. I'm thinking these strangers do NOT have children. Otherwise, one would hope they would remember those helpless days of looking at their child who's mumbling something close to "mwahmbrackle" and saying "I'm so sorry sweety, I STILL have no idea what you're saying!"

Now don't get me wrong, some words and phrases like "go away mommy, YES!, sit down sasha, no thanks, go outside and mommy coming too?" are as clear as a bell. But most of William's phrases come out as if he were speaking with an accent of someone whom perhaps cannot decide if he's from New Hampshire or Louisiana and thus combines them both.

Just today I took my son out to breakfast at Starbucks before he headed to daycare and I to my job and he was mumbling something in William-ese. This woman who was commenting on how darling he was, leaned toward him and said "what?" and then turns to me and says, "what did he say?" Upon declaring that I wasn't sure she looked at me as though I had admitted to taking drugs throughout my pregnancy, beating my son regularly and feeding him nothing but straight sugar each and every day. I just wanted to yell, "back off bitch! I've been trying to figure out that damn phrase that he's been repeating for about a week now but unfortunately 'mommy, ah druhn mek wel so' still does NOT resemble a phrase in the English language to me! YOU freakin' translate it!"

There is a cool part to all this frustration, though... when you figure out the phrase, you feel like freakin' Einstein. Here are some of my favorite phrases/mispronunciations currently translated from William-ese.

mulltuck = mailtruck
molca= motorcycle
fiyawoowoo = fire truck (don't ask)
meek = mixer (as in cement mixer, a favorite among trucks)
ismoke = iced mocha (or in his case, the organic milk sold at Starbucks)
bannie = banana
mall = melon
wait ta me! = wait for me
opeen tadoa = open the door
logga = yogurt
bah feet = bare feet
read de foxego = read the fables (I think he thinks all fables involve a fox)
duhbage tuck = garbage truck
sleep mommy = sleep with mommy
sleep dekib = sleep in the crib

So for all of you who run into parents and say "what's he saying?" keep in mind that God, in his infinite wisdom and ironic sense of humor will ensure that you too struggle with this one day. And for those of you new parents... good luck translating. If all else fails, look at the person who asked and said, "i don't know, but i think he's trying to say 'i kill you'... do you think I should worry?" They'll run in the other direction. :)